Saturday, May 16, 2009

Wretch and a Savior

i'm just a person. i'm human. i make mistakes. i'm stupid and dumb and awful. leave me to my sin. condemn me. throw the first stone. go ahead, i deserve it. i'm a wretch. the most wretched of sinners. it is true; they tell no lies. i deserve to die. i deserve their remarks. i deserve their criticism, verbal jabs, and insults. That's right, throw them at me. like emotional barbs they hit their mark. i'm bleeding. bleed on. i'm hurting. hurt on. leave me to my pain. or finish me off, either one. it won't matter. i'm dust. the scum of the earth. mud. unfit to shine your shoes. kick me harder, why don't you? or better yet, just leave. go live your perfect lives. because i am dust. i am nothing worth your time. i am a sinner. i deserve to die. i am like balaam. i am like judas. i say i am good, i say i am holy, but we both know i am lying. I, christy, am evil at heart. I can do no right. there is no good in me. I am powerless. my humanity stares back at me like a ghostly, horrific image.

I see sandaled feet next to me. i'm scared now. my defiance falters. will they just finish me off quickly. or will they continue to throw the stones. is this how i am to end? but then a hand reaches down, rough but gentle. he's lifting me up. what is this? another trick? i'm done with tricks. i'm done with deception. i'm ready to face my fate. i deserve it. i know who i am and what i've done. i admit it all, no need to convince me. leave me to my fate. just let me go. will he spit on me? that's what i deserve. will he hit me? go ahead, it's nothing new.

my eyes are still on his sandaled feet. they are worn and dusty. he must walk a lot. those aren't the shoes of a wealthy man. they've seen hard times, i can tell. and then he's lifting my chin. it's dirty, streaked with tears. but he's touching it gently, with no anger or threat. what does he want? i have nothing to give. truly, there is nothing left. i am empty inside. it has all been given away. then i meet his gaze and all my thoughts stop. his eyes are kind. i have not seen kind eyes in years now. but there is more. his eyes hold power. a good power, not evil like the rest of them.

"And when I passed by you and saw you struggling in your own blood, I said to you in your blood, 'LIVE!' Yes, I said to you in your blood, 'LIVE!' ...Then I washed you in water, yes, I thoroughly washed off your blood, and I anointed you with oil. I clothed you in embroidered cloth and gave you sandals of badger skin; I clothed you with fine linen and covered you with silk. ...Your fame went out among the nations because of your beauty, for it was perfect through My splendor which I had bestowed on you, says the Lord God." -Ezekiel 16:6,9,10,14

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I am dirt, but my God is greater
I sin, but my God is greater
I mess up, but my God is greater
I fall down, but my God is greater
I am a wretch, but my God is greater
I deserve to die, but my God is greater

I am a liar, but my God is truth
I am not enough, but my God is more than enough
I am selfish, but my God is selfless
I am empty, but my God is overflowing
I am dead, but my God is ever-living
I am filthy, but my God is pure
I am loveless, but my God is love
I am lost, but my God is the Way
I am nothing, but my God is everything
I am worthless, but my God is more than worthy

I am scarred, and my God is scarred too

John 14:18 - "I will not leave you orphans, I will come to you."

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Equally Skilled
Jon Foreman

How miserable I am
I feel like a fruit picker who arrives after the harvest
There's nothing here at all
Nothing at all here that could placate my hunger

The godly people are all gone
There's not one honest soul left here on the planet
We're all murderers and thieves
Setting traps here for even our brothers

And both of our hands
Are equally skilled
At doing evil
Equally skilled
At bribing the judges
Equally skilled
At perverting justice
Both of our hands
Both of our hands

The day of justice comes
And is even now swiftly arriving
Don't trust anyone at all
Not your best friend or even your wife

For the son hates the father
The daughter despises even her mother
Look! Your enemies are right
Right in the room of your very household
And both of their hands
Are equally skilled

No, don't gloat over me
For though I fall, though I fall
I will rise again
Though I sit here in darkness
The Lord, the Lord alone
He will be my light.

I will be patient as the Lord
Punishes me for the wrongs I've done against Him
After that He'll take my case
Bringing me to light and to justice
For all I have suffered

And both of His hands
Are equally skilled
At ruining evil
Equally skilled
At judging the judges
Equally skilled
At administering justice
Both of His hands

Both of His hands
Are equally skilled
At showing mercy
Equally skilled
At loving the loveless
Equally skilled
Administering justice
Both of His hands
Both of His hands

6 comments:

barry said...

same here

Joel said...

powerful contrasts...

how'd you know what verse I was going to use today??

Little Christen said...

I like the image you presented. Powerful...and so true for all of us.

Christy Joy said...

Joel: I didn't. I must admit, I stole it from you :) I posted the blog Sabbath morning before we left for church but then, when you used John 14:18 in your sermon, I really liked it and wanted to include it in my blog. So I came home and put it in.

Kelsey said...

It always amazes me that Jesus knows what a superb job we do of condemning ourselves and knows just what we need.

BTW, Christy. On a lighter note (hehe!), I just saw my new name on your blog. It caused the emission of a delighted laugh. :D I was just playing some hymns on Sabbath in which the composer/arranger forgot to lower the third and sixth. I, of course, duly corrected this error. ;)

Christy Joy said...

I'm glad you like you're new name, Kelsey :) I smiled too when I though of it. Miss you!

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